dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
