No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
