I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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