I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
