I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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