I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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