she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
