Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
