We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
