He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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