mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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