My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
