i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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