WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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