when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
