I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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