Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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