guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize