my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
