I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
