Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize