At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
