i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
