Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
