if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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