you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize