franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
