using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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