I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
