we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize