i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
