seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
