I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
