Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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