Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
