Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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