I can't watch pbs sober anymore
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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