I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
