I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
