Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
