How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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