Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
