Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
