Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
