Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
