I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
