I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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