a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
