I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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