I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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