i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
