She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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