My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
