she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
