i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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