Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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