No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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