it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
