i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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