After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
