I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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