I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
