I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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