morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
