I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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