I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
