I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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