i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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