We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
