this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
