I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
