Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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