My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
