There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
