Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize