just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
