Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
