I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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