508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
